Saturday, November 21, 2009

Confession #3: I'm terrified to come face to face with the people I've moved away from.

I confess, I'm afriad of what they'll think of me.

Moving away from someone is life-changing. I've heard it millions of times. I hadn't thought, though, it would get to the point where I would be afriad to even talk on the phone to my past friends.

I think I'm worried that they'll realize that I've changed.
Changed too much for them.
At times I don't even feel like talking to them because I want to preserve the relationship I had with them when I was there.
When I was a different person.
I don't want this to go away.
I don't want them to talk to me one day and say-
'Patti's changed a lot. I don't feel comfortable being her friend anymore.'
I notice the little pauses that they take while over the phone, relishing the fact that I never would have said what I did just then when I was physically there with them.

I guess I want things to go back to the way they were,
but I don't want to undermine myself either.
I feel like here I'm the person I am, with nothing to hide,
but everything to have changed.

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